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  • Writer's pictureLuv

What, Why, & How We Forgive

Forgiveness keeps showing up for me and so, I was guided to share my journey with it, what is it, why it is important, and how to go about doing it. I grew up with a young mother, who had her own battles with addiction and mental illness. I also had an Aunt that was very protective over me, and really, every child that came to live under her roof. We were all Grace's children and did not understand her brand of love growing up, but knew she loved us nonetheless. Aunt Grace's did her best to make sure all of us knew what home felt like and always provided us with what we needed. She was a God fearing woman, a Deaconess at her church, and overall, quite the lady, a very well dressed lady. By the time, I came along, Aunt Grace was well into her senior years, making it not the easiest thing, to keep up with sassy, active, little me, so older cousins helped out when and how they could. That saying, "it takes a village to raise a child," was very true for me.

And during those years, even with all of Aunt Grace's efforts to shield me from the craziness of the world, I still experienced abuse, in many forms. And as I grew up, I realize now, I held so much anger toward myself, my mother, my stepfather, so many. I used that anger as fuel for the longest time. I needed to prove to myself that I was something, that I meant something, and that I could do whatever I set my mind to do. And so, all the people I met along my journey reflected the family I thought I left behind. All giving me the opportunity to have a new experience of myself, of my world, blessing me with the opportunities to forgive. And I thought I did. I thought I just set the intention to forgive, said the words, and then just disappear from said person's life, and forget about it. So, you could imagine why I was so perplexed when I realized after all this forgiveness, the record was still on repeat. Anger and suffering was what I had become used to. It was the dominate story, and was what I used to create, and as a result, it is what I continued to manifest. And I wasn't alone. I saw my mother, aunts, and uncles doing the same thing because, they too had experienced these pains. I knew that I had to sort this out, not just for me, but for us, for my future babies, so they could have a different life.

I did not just want my life to change, I needed it to change and that required me to be a willing participant. It meant that I had to be willing to rewrite the story of suffering and victimhood. I had to be willing to let go of the anger and resentment, and find different fuel. I had to be willing to see myself differently, truthfully, releasing the shame, guilt, and judgement. It was time I looked in the mirror and got really honest with who was starring back at me and honor and respect what loving me looked like day to day.

This process is still evolving, and I am learning that healing itself is a process, that looks very different for each one of us, and that the greatest gift we can offer ourselves, in and out of this, process is grace, love, and patience. I am learning that when we are ready, we receive another piece of our own puzzle, allowing us to live more in alignment with our true selves, and that the act of forgiveness must begin with us. It does not mean we deny what we have experienced or that we continue to condemn the ones we deem guilty. It means we get to let go of the attachment we have to the trauma, the pain, the people, or person and any shame or guilt we have felt, so that we grow, and begin to create ourselves, our lives, from an authentic place, from a loving place.

I am telling you, after a while, you'll begin to notice you don't become triggered in the same way you used to. Those same people that would make you cringe or cuss just thinking about, stop taking up space in your mind, in your heart. Eventually, you begin to innerstand their role in your story. Things don't appear as black and white, and your relationships change because you are no longer the same. You are a different person, freer, lighter, aware of your own power. You resonate an entirely different frequency and therefore attract what is in alignment with you.

I realize the act of forgiveness brings liberation. It sometime surprises me how I can now, truly connect with my mom, certain others, and not be triggered. I get to allow my mother the freedom to be someone other than the abuser, and all the other things I made her out to be, seeing that was never her truth. I get to experience her as the tender hearted, beautiful soul she actually is. And trust me, sometimes I find myself wanting to be angry for the past, but something in me won't let me go there again, like I did, because I know the truth. And I get the privilege of witnessing my mother's bloom. She is free to be herself and release the shame and guilt she has held onto and we get to heal together. This brings my heart so much joy! The more I allow myself to let go, to forgive, the better I feel, the more my life changes for the better. And I am not saying forgiveness is the easiest thing to do, nor am I suggesting it is a linear journey, it is however, a journey worth taking.

Here Are Some Tools For Your Forgiveness Journey

  • Talk Therapy - Therapy is a great resource that offers an objective perspective supporting you in uncovering your true feelings, here you get to not be okay, you get to speak your truth. Great therapist often provide you with the tools needed to for you to begin to process the emotions that surface in healthy ways. Finding the right therapist for you is a bit like dating, but once you find the right one, it is life changing!

  • Hypnotherapy - This helps you not only uncover some deep wounds but also helps you to rewrite the subconscious programs that have been on loop.

  • Prayer - Tried and true! Prayer has always been a staple in my life and to me, there is no right or wrong way to pray. Just be sincere, pray with your absolute heart and soul and allow the answer to come. Sometimes, you may be in a place where you may want to forgive someone but you are having a heard time doing so. In that case, ask Source to soften your heart, to help you to get to the place of being willing to forgive. This is the space to lay it all out and begin to live your prayer, walk in it and see how things change.

  • Intuitive/Spiritual Healing - Of course this had to be on the list! Most modalities aim at getting to the core of an issue, that may come from a past life or ancestral pattern. There are so many modalities, each one good for different things at different times. I have always been guided to the right healer, at the right time for what it was i needed. Trust that the same will happen for you. Whenever you are choosing a healer word of mouth is my number one resource but even then, I advise you call them, see how you vibe, and trust how you feel.

  • Movement - It is important for us to move our bodies whether it is dance, or yoga, or running, do what makes you feel good.

  • Community - It is important to find the right community so you feel supported whether online of in-person, having a community to support your healing process truly helps the healing process.

  • Meditation Practice - Meditation is not one size fits all. There is a right practice for everyone, and if you can't find your perfect match make one The practice of meditation allows you to distance yourself from your thoughts and emotions. You become the observer and as a result calmer, less reactive, more self aware, and objective. It is a great way to encourage focus.

  • Have FUN Creating - All things creative, drawing, painting, singing, playing an instrument...The list goes on and on! Creative expression is not only fun, but I feel it is necessary for us to process and play. And what that is is different for each one of us. Don't judge your creations just do it.

  • Water - Send love and forgiveness into every drop of your water before you take a sip, so you drink in all the goodness.

Healing Meditation

This is a healing transmission designed to work on multiple layers of your energy field to support you in releasing conscious and unconscious resentments and other forms of nonforgiveness. All you need do is press play ad allow yourself to receive.

Happy Healing,

Luv 💙

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